Bowl Season: It's the Most Confusing Time of the Year

The bowl season is upon us. Some of these games have ridiculous names. Some of them have ridiculous match-ups. Some have back stories. Some... why does this game exist? So I chose to rename the bowl games in hopes of putting each game in perspective.

Allstate BCS SEC West Championship Game

This one is for that pretty crystal ball. The NCAA and Allstate will tell you that it is the "National Championship Game." Let's be honest. A short week on the road is the reason the Tide is in this game. The last game was the equivalent of two heavyweights circling each other occasionally throwing a hay-maker but never wanting to actually getting into a boxing match. Let's hope this one is a little better. When the punter becomes as valuable of a player as anyone else on the team (setting the opposing team's field position), the game has problems. For those of you clamoring "it's SEC football. It's great." I say this. Take away the fact that they are SEC. Would you still think this game is great? Or would they just be two completely incompetent offenses who are hoping like heck that the opposing punter shanks one setting them up with good enough field position to kick a field goal? It's like being married to a woman who looks like this but still wanting to hook up with her. It's purely about the status.

30-13 TIGERS

No One Knows We Made It To A Bowl Game Bowl

How many people know that Arkansas State and Northern Illinois play college football? Put your hand down if you attended these schools. Ah what the heck. You count too. Gotta have someone that realized this. Oh. Some of you that attended these two schools didn't realize that either?

34-30 ARKANSAS STATE

The We Play Football? Bowl

Yes. SMU has mostly recovered from the Death Penalty. Pittsburgh is not in full swing for basketball yet. So why not play us a good ol' game of football.

48-35 SMU

AT&T Overachiever Bowl

Both Kansas State and Arkansas lost to top-tier programs. While these teams could beat almost everyone else in the nation, they couldn't beat the teams they needed to get into a BCS bowl game.
38-34 KANSAS STATE

Tostitos Will Anyone Watch Us Bowl

Oklahoma State and Stanford are not iconic programs. While both programs have been really good lately and this should be a good game, neither screams for the casual fan to watch.
568-563 OKLAHOMA STATE (Okay maybe more like 52-48.)

Two Really Good Teams That Could Possibly Beat the National Champion Bowl presented by Vizio

Tell me where we have seen this before. Two great teams. One is a big muscle-headed bully. The other will try to negate such strength with speed. It's okay Oregon. This time it is okay to acquire tape and check out a football team from Texas. Just make sure it is TCU.
38-20 OREGON

Taxslayer.com Fall From Grace Bowl

Two teams that finished with 3-5 conference records. Two teams that finished with 6-6 overall records. It seems like it has been forever since 2007. Both of those coaches are gone... kinda.  Florida's coach in that championship game? Urban Meyer, the new coach of Ohio State.
22-19 FLORIDA 

Highly Over-rated by ESPN Bowl

Every year Nebraska and South Carolina are shoved down our throats as top-notch programs. Yet, South Carolina has only won 10 games twice in the school's history. Nebraska is billed as this elite program. Many people had them walking in and taking the Big 10 title. Nebraska doesn't have Tommy Frazier or Tom Osborne. Spurrier isn't at Florida. Can we tap the brakes on how great these teams are?

24-16 (and guaranteed a Top 10 spot in next year's opening polls...) I don't care. SOUTH CAROLINA

OH!!! So Close Bowl

Georgia was two quarters away from taking down the LSU Tigers. Michigan State was in a back-n-forth with Wisconsin. So close to being in a BCS Bowl game.
37-26 GEORGIA

Hang Your Head In Shame Bowl

Houston was embarrassed in the Conference USA Championship game. Penn State was embarrassed in the headlines. Now instead of a BCS game, these two teams get each other.

26-20 PENN STATE

Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl

I hate watching sporting events at restaurants. Sound is generally hard to hear. Obnoxious people all around. It's like being at the game only you are not. You're surrounded by strangers and some cute girl that you don't have a prayer with keeps asking you if you want to spend more money. And you know the only reason she is nice (maybe even flirting with you) is that she is trying to inflate her tip. And somehow... some *bleep*ing way, it always works and you don't realize how much money you spent on her until you get home and see the transaction on your online banking activity. The only good thing about sports at restaurants is you're kept occupied while the game winds up for the big finish. This game for some reason has that type of feel. I won't give a crap for the first 50-55 minutes. Just keep my glass full, my stomach fed, and don't ask if I want something. If I want it, I'll ask for it. (I am not watching a football game in Chick-fil-A unless I am on a bad date. Come to think of it, if I'm on a date at Chick-fil-A, it's a bad date. Why am I dating? I'm married with three kids. I'm already broke. I don't need another person to pay for. Oh, she's paying? Well... still have to pass. I'll eventually pay. One way or another.) Oh you want a score and a winner? Who's playing again? Oh. Okay. Um. Let's see...
28-18 AUBURN

Kraft We Hunger For A Real Head Coach Bowl

Both teams just fired their coach. Both teams have been looking for a coach ever since I can remember. But for one day, these two teams will have to settle for a win; even if it is by accident.
16-13 UCLA

How The Hell Did You Get In Here Bowl

How did Vanderbilt get into this bowl? Or any bowl game for that matter? Cincinnati has got to be asking that. At least they will probably be asking if they should play someone a little better. You know what Cincy? Don't question it. Just take it. Just don't blow it.
30-10 CINCINNATI

Remember When We Used to Be Good Bowl

Remember when Georgia Tech used to have Calvin Johnson? Remember when Utah used to have Alex Smith? Remember when you were walking to class thinking "Are we doing anything relevant in class today?" Remember when you were able to put Arkansas-Pine Bluff on your schedule on EA Sports NCAA Football? Ah. Those were the days. Now we have this...
28-22 GEORGIA TECH

Rodney Dangerfield Bowl

Northwestern gets no respect. No respect at all. When A&M finally gets some, it urinates on everyone who gave it to them. Now A&M heads for the SEC "where they will be appreciated" and Northwestern is the 11th team everyone hears about but no one outside of Illinois can figure out who is in the Big 10 (Nebraska makes it 12.) Can the Gaggies do it one more time?
29-27 NORTHWESTERN

Is This The Best You Could Do? Bowl

Really? This is the best you two could do. Oklahoma... you were supposed to be in the national title game. Started off the season at No. 1. Iowa. You just keep falling further and further down the Big 10 pole don't you? Next season, I expect both of you to at least be in the Cotton Bowl. Okay Iowa. Maybe this is the best you can do.
52-20 OKLAHOMA

Who Gives A *bleep*? Bowl

Mississippi State. Wake Forest. Who gives a *bleep*?
19-15 WHO GIVES A *BLEEP*

Don't Tell Anyone That We're Bowl Eligible Bowl

Two schools that often get overlooked. Rutgers is known for "Running back Ray Rice from Rutgers." (Say that 6 times fast.) Iowa State looks like USC. Plays like UNC. Has a Cardinal for a mascot even though they are named the Cyclones. That is one hell of an identity crises. Looking at these two teams, I thought "You're bowl eligible? Wow."
35-19 IOWA STATE

Quietly Solid Bowl

Tulsa has put up some fights this season. They didn't end up winning their division. But they earned a measure of respect from some people across the country. BYU seems to always be quietly solid. It's when they get loud that they get whipped. A dominatrix dream. Kind of ironic when you consider that it is a religious school that suspended its second best player on the basketball team for having premarital sex. Anyways, this could end up being a really fun football game to watch. I'm hoping so.
36-34 TULSA

Better Than You Think Bowl

Washington is apparently better than I thought. If you asked me what I thought Washington's record was, I would probably tell you they were like 3-8. 5-7 at best. Tell, me they were bowl eligible and I would have probably had a swear or two just out of pure shock. Oh. And there is Baylor. I have called RG3 (Robert Griffin III) a "One Man Show" since his freshman year. Now the country is starting to take notice. So everyone is better than we thought. Even if this is a blow-out, watching RG3 is well worth your time/price of admission.
48-23 BAYLOR

Has-been Bowl

I remember when these two were national championship contenders. Two historic programs. Two historic coaches. Ah the days. That was when determining a national champion in college football was... well it was, is and will always be the cluster-f that the lack of a playoff creates. The coaches are gone. The programs aren't even close to the greatness that they used to be. In fact, Abilene Christian is doing a better job of pounding out NFL-caliber players. Let the nostalgic kick begin.
30-28 FLORIDA STATE

States With The Hottest Girls Bowl

Texas and California. Extreme politics. Great sports. Iconic states. The only thing more important than the final score is who has the hotter women: Texas or California?

24-20 EVERYONE WINS!!! (Okay fine. I'll Take Texas.)

Teams That Can't Point Each Other On A Map Bowl

Don't think. Just do it. Point to Toledo on a map. Now point to Air Force on that same map. Okay. You quite possibly got Toledo right. Realize that Air Force is in Colorado? Good thing the game will be played in Washington D.C. which I think most people can point to. Hopefully most of these teams can too.
27-23 TOLEDO

No One Realizes That We Might Be The Best Team In Our State Bowl
Louisville is probably the best team in Kentucky. NC State is POSSIBLY the best in North Carolina. So now these two teams will line up and play that doesn't have a lot of flair but should have a lot of red.
36-23 LOUISVILLE

IBM You Suck At Life Bowl*

What else do you want me to say about these two programs. They're in this bowl aren't they?
20-16 WESTERN MICHIGAN (because I like their logo)

Dark Horse That Never Really Had A Chance Bowl

"Experts" always say to watch out for these two teams. And every year, they fail to give us anything worth watching out for. So while these two teams may not be that great during the season, this game should be a treat.
45-28 MISSOURI

Sweet Vacation Bowl

There is a trip to Hawaii coming for these two teams. Mississippi probably has some pleasant scenery and fun activities. Nevada also has pleasant scenery and fun activities (just of a different sort). But this is flipping Hawaii. So who remembers why they are in Hawaii in the first place? After this game, it is 2-3 more cold months in Nevada/Southern Mississippi so enjoy men.
37-31 NEVADA

We're Pissed And Someone Is Getting An Ass-Whipping Bowl

This is the second straight season that Boise State is being snubbed over a missed field goal. Once again they are forced to settle for playing in Vegas. Last year Utah was the recipient of the Boise Beat-Down. This year's victim: Arizona State.

45-13 BOISE STATE

At Least We're In San Diego Bowl

Louisiana Tech and TCU are headed for beautiful San Diego. The pleasantness will end once the game starts for one of these two teams (LA Tech?)

33-6 TCU

Remembered For The Wrong Reason Bowl

Florida International is remembered for this. Marshall is remembered for this. Here is hoping these two teams can soon accomplish something will etch a more positive memory in our minds.

28-27 MARSHALL

The Sleep Big Easy Bowl

Curl up next to a hot girl/guy. Pull a blanket over the both of you. Give them a soft kiss. And get some well-earned rest. As you can see, this is going to be a busy holiday season and you will need all of the rest you can get. If you can't sleep, play Scrabble and try to see how many points Louisiana Lafayette Ragin Cajuns or San Diego State Aztecs will land you.
28-24 SAN DIEGO STATE (because I like their old helmets)

Wish This Game Was Reversed Bowl

If this was Ohio State vs. Utah at any point in the last few years, this would be an intriguing match-up. But it is Utah State vs. Ohio. This game is so bad that Ohio's punter doesn't even want to play in it.

26-20 OHIO

Doesn't Deserve A Smart-Ass Nickname Bowl

It's Temple and Wyoming. What else do you want to know?

23-15 WYOMING

*this game is not actually sponsored by IBM. But someone should.

Side Thoughts

-Dallas Cowboys are 19th in touchdowns scored. So while Romo does have some pretty numbers, the quarterback's job is to not turn the ball over and get his team into the end zone. According to TeamRankings.com, Dallas only scores touchdowns on 42% of their red zone opportunities. The only teams worse? Kansas City, Tampa Bay, San Francisco and St. Louis. None of those teams have "elite" or even "great" quarterbacks. If the Cowboys do not start exchanging some of these field goals for touchdowns, the season will not last much longer.

-Mark Schlabach pointed out that an SEC team will finally lose the "National Championship Game."

-For everyone clamoring that they hate the BCS and want change, here is what fans can do. Turn the television off between September and November on Saturdays. At least find something else to watch. Yeah, you're not going to do that are you? Neither am I. For the programs themselves, QUIT JOINING THE BCS CONFERENCES AND DROP DOWN TO AN FCS SYSTEM WHERE THERE IS A PLAYOFF. Utah and Boise State. Oh you don't want to because you'll lose money? That is what I thought. In order to get paid, we all do things we don't want to. You may work more hours than you really care too. You may have to deal with situations you that make you uncomfortable. So know what you are in for, collect your check and quit your whining. There are things I don't like about the BCS. As you can see from above, I don't always agree with the selections. But overall, it's good TV and generates a high level of interest.

Weekend Wows

Oklahoma State Defense: They allowed the Sooners to have 10 points. One touchdown. One field goal. 10. Where their offense gets so much love and their coach was a quarterback, the defense finally step up and took a little respect for itself.

Pittsburgh Steelers: After the Week 1 clobbering they suffered at the hands of the Ravens and the slow start, many people wrote them off. They were my Super Bowl pick before the season and that remains a very distinct possibility.

Robert Griffin III: Here is all you need to know.

Weak-end Woes

Buffalo Bills: From 3-0, to 4-1, to 5-2, to 5-7. And it doesn't get easier. Chargers who play really well this time of year. Dolphins who have already clobbered them once. Broncos who seem to be gaining confidence and momentum. The Patriots who will be seeking retribution from blowing a 21-0 lead earlier in the year. 6-10 at best?

Jason Garrett: They do not convert red zone opportunities. They are the seventh most penalized team in football. According to ESPN.com, they are very average in converting 3rd downs (38.4%).  Poor clock management. Owner having guts to publicly second-guess him. I keep looking for this rigid structure that Garrett is going to bring to the Cowboys.

Atlanta Falcons: Houston is on their third string quarterback. They are minus their best defensive player. So what does Atlanta do? Loses to T.J. Yates. Say that again... out loud... T. J. YATES.

Looking Forward
Falcons @ Panthers
Eagles @ Dolphins
49ers @ Cardinals
Bears @ Broncos
Raiders @ Packers
Texans @ Bengals
Giants @ Cowboys